07/18/2025 - It's has been awhile and I have habits

 every time, 

I cant help but thing about how often I come back to things in my life and find them in a state of abandon. It is almost as if I have an issue with finishing efforts.  Worst part kinda feels like that knowing that I am a procreator does nothing to solve the issue.  All I can do is try I suppose and see how it works out.  Saw a pretty good video on you Tube from After Skool creator Alchemist video discussing the story and how it is about the journey vs the treasure found.  The goal at the end is the person that you  have become over the travel and not the gains that you have made.  It is more about a complete life then a successful one from what I understood but I really should give the story a chance in reading.  Back to the main topic of non completionist approach to life, the reading list that I was doing for years is still undone as well. That feels more on topic for a philosophy reading list that it will always remain undone. not the point tho, need to get back into a rhythm of writing daily to organize my thoughts and plan a way forward, especially now that I have Leon to live with and need to provide the right sort of environment for positive growth.  I don't wanna fuck up his life and really wanna try to succeed in this moment. 

- just got called by the ex and realized I am focused on what is in front of me and not paying attention to Destiny with her mama.  I wanted to set that child up from youth and the last year of high school this happens and I am really not cool with it but life is life.